


I'll Scream Till The Pain Disappears

by Rhi_dono14



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Implied Relationships, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, caring dan, sick phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-04 10:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4134588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhi_dono14/pseuds/Rhi_dono14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are doing their usual YouTube business, when their worlds takes a dramatic turn for the worst. No signs of escape from the nightmare and no idea what to do, Dan decides to create his own memories with Phil by completing a bucket list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Scream Till The Pain Disappears

**Author's Note:**

> I'm hoping this turns out okay! I've been thinking of the plot for like a week, I just need to put it into words! Tell me if you like it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day Dan and Phil show their feelings a little more than usual.

Dan is laid in bed as he usually is at 5am. We've all had that annoying part of attempting to fall asleep where the past catches up to you and you end up awake for another hour or so. This has been a common occurrence for Dan over the past few weeks. He didn't feel as bad as he had been at the beginning of these weeks, but it was still hard. It still hurt. Dan pushed his face into his pillow as the memories came swarming back.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Phil sneezed _again._ Dan glared over at Phil who was staring back holding a tissue against his nose. They were in the living room watching Titanic. Phil convinced him it was a good idea since he wasn't feeling too well to do much else. It wasn't helpful that their apartment was cold. Dan had turned the temperature up frequently, however the room never seemed to actually increase in heat. Dan had put on his horned hoodie, meanwhile Phil was curled up in his Adventure Time jumper. Oh, as well as that jumper, he had several blankets piled on top of him. Dan suddenly realised he was still gazing at Phil, so he turned his head back to the television. This was the regular routine now. Not that he was complaining, he did this every day anyway, however it was more enjoyable doing it with Phil. It meant he wouldn't be slouched on the sofa or in bed while scrolling through the weirder side of the internet.

Even though Dan and Phil had been stuck inside all day, they somehow managed to still appear decent. Dan's hair was slightly stuck-up on the right side and his curls had formed on the back of his head which, in turn, revealed what his hair actually looks like when he doesn't straighten it. Although, areas of his hair were still straight after he tamed it yesterday, so it was more a mix of the two. His dark brown eyes were still so enticing, even with the rings that laid underneath them. He couldn't be bothered to drag some black skinny jeans on in the morning, so he dragged on his sweatpants and lounged around in the living room. Dan wasn't afraid to admit that wherever he sat down in the morning, tended to be the spot he stayed in for the rest of the day. It was only because he couldn't be bothered to get up and move his laptop back into the other room. Phil was the only person in the world who could encourage him to move from that spot, though who wouldn't want to move for him? He was ridiculously convincing. On other days, Dan would ask him to fetch chargers, his phone or whatever he needed so that he wouldn't have to leave the sofa. Phil always managed to bring a side out of people that they had never seen before and Dan found it quite satisfying, but he felt like this was only because he'd spent the beginning part of his life as a bored and lonely child. At least today he could look like a mess and no one would comment on it.

Phil, on the other hand, it didn't matter whether he fell asleep at 10pm or 6am, he still looked like the sun was shining through him. Maybe his hair was all over the place and stuck to his forehead. Maybe his nose was red and sore. Maybe he was piled under as many blankets to keep as warm as possible, but he was still bright and happy. His smile practically never left his face for more than a second and even when he's as sick as today, the jokes just keep coming. Dan couldn't quite understand how he had the energy to still be himself. One thing that was different about Phil Lester than most of the other YouTubers was that his personality on his channel was actually him. The real Phi. There were no differences between him on screen and off screen, from the small smile to his laugh. Others created sort of 'characters,' a way in which they wanted to be represented to their viewers, but not Phil. He was always himself. He loved being able to have a close relationship with his viewers, not that the other YouTubers didn't do this, but he wanted them to know him personally. His likes, his dislikes, what happens in his daily life, opinions etc. Dan didn't like to admit it, but that was one of the reasons he started watching his vlog in the first place.

It was the end of the movie now and Jack and Rose were in the ocean. It was definitely an emotional scene, no matter how hard Dan attempted to laugh at it. He felt slightly sad when the scene approached and he was forced to bite back the frog in his throat. Jack slowly began to slip into the ocean and -  _achoo!_ Phil broke into laughter as Dan was now facing him again.

"Phil! Will you  _stop sneezing_?!" Dan attempted to say with all seriousness, but Phil's laugh just made him chuckle too. He should have known he'd spend the whole film commenting on Phil's illness.

"I'm  _sorry"_ Phil cried with laughter. Both of them were dying on the sofa in their own tears. It had to be Phil to ruin the film right at the end, especially the most significant part as well. They had been chuckling for too long and Dan was completely certain they were just laughing at each other now.

After about 5 more minutes of giggles and sneezes, Dan forced himself to crawl off the sofa and stand up. he reached his arms above his head to stretch and Phil was able to glance at his waist for just a second, before he put his arms back down. The two of them were adjusted to catching glimpses of each other whenever possible and they'd become experienced in looking away before the other person looks back and catches them doing so. There have been a couple of times when both of them have caught each other's gaze, however they luckily always have an escape plan for that. Even if their viewers could see beyond the lies. Dan turned around to see Phil blowing his nose into his tissue until he was blue in the face. He'd been ill a lot recently, though they had also been out of the house most of this month, so it was likely Phil would catch something eventually. Dan noticed his pack of  Pokémon tissues were pretty much empty and that he should probably get him a new packet.

"Need a new packet of tissues, Phil?" Dan asked out of curtsy. Although, he knew Phil needed them, he still wanted to ask him anyway. Phil glanced up from behind the tissue and nodded wearily.

"Yes please. I feel like I'm dying" he exaggerated.

"You're not going to die irl" Dan chuckled as he stumbled out of the living room. He had stretched but for some strange reason his legs were still refusing to work. "Coffee?" he yelled down the hallway.

"Please!"

In the kitchen, Dan flicked on the kettle and placed a spoonful of coffee into Phil's favourite mug. Then he added two spoonfuls of sugar, before waiting for the kettle to finish boiling. He wondered what film or show they should put on next. He thought that he might be able to persuade Phil to let him put Free! on. The switch on the kettle finally turned off and Dan could make the hot drink. Now that he thought about it, usually it was Phil who would prepare the hot drinks, but he'd been so frequently ill over the past month that he'd been doing more of the work recently. He had to admit, Phil always did most of the jobs around the house, mainly because Dan couldn't be bothered to unstick himself from the sofa or his bed, however he'd never fully appreciated what Phil did for him and their apartment. He was the one that kept the whole place together and Dan owed him everything.

Back on the sofa, they were watching Free! but somehow, Dan just couldn't focus on it. He wasn't particularly sure why he couldn't concentrate. He was staring at the screen as if he was watching it, although he was unable to say what episode he was watching or what was happening. All he could think about was Phil. He did so much for him and had done since the first day they met. He'd never thought about it so much until today. Maybe it was just how he'd spent the last month doing more for him than he had done before. He kept thinking about why Phil does so much for him when he doesn't do much back. Phil did the shopping on most occasions, he cooked, he cleaned, he handled the money for the apartment etc. Of course Dan did it too every so often, however he never did it as much as Phi. Suddenly, he felt slightly disappointed in himself and decided it was time for a change.

"So Phil, I thought that maybe I'd clean the house and cook tomorrow?" Dan suggested. Phil averted his gaze to his best friend and smiled.

"What? No, you don't have to. Just because I'm ill, doesn't mean I can't do anything!" Phil objected.

"Oh, it's not that you're useless, Phil" he laughed. Phil was most definitely not useless.

"Then why?" he inquired. Phil sat up so that he was no longer slouching and placed his back firmly against the pillow behind him. Dan couldn't understand why he seemed so concerned. All he wanted to do is help out more.

"Well, you're constantly working your ass off. You deserve a break."

"You don't have to do it for me, Dan. I'm doing it, okay?"

"No, you're not! Too bad. In fact, I might start now" Dan smirked as he leapt off the sofa and ran to the broom cupboard. He was halfway down the hallway when he felt a cold palm grab his wrist to stop him. He jolted back and knocked into Phil, almost causing him to fall over. If it wasn't for Dan grabbing his other arm swiftly, he would surely be on the floor in fits of giggles for the second time today. Both of them stabilised using each other and smiled, struggling to hold back the laughter.

There were a few seconds where Dan and Phil just stared into each other's eyes and even though it wasn't a long amount of time, there was so much feeling. Dan could feel his heat fluttering as they both didn't break the gaze. He was still holding Phil's wrists and he could just about feel his pulse rapidly increasing. Dan knew that the magnificent AmazingPhil had so many colours in his eyes, yet he finally gained a chance to determine what these colours are. A mix or baby blue, sapphire, a hint of teal and maybe a powder blue. There were so many. Dan had only been able to admire them when watching Phil's channel, and even then the image wasn't great. Here he was, staring into them, analysing them, drowning in them in a way he never had done before. His grip slightly tightened as Phil was the only one that existed in this moment. Not even his illness could change this moment. The seconds passed slowly and Dan wanted to to last as long as possible, but he knew it couldn't. He coughed as he removed his hands from Phil's wrists, both shot a glance to elsewhere in the room as the, now awkward, silence settled in the air. It may have merely been a few seconds, except they were the happiest seconds Dan had felt in a long time. He continued to the broom cupboard. Phil let him as he returned to the sofa with a large smirk on his face.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Phil buried his face into his pillow because he couldn't stop smiling. They had a moment. An actual moment. He had always seen small gifs on Tumblr of 'heart eyes howell' or anyone withing the phandom shipping them like crazy, but he'd never thought that something was actually there. He just assumed it was admiration, although he knew different now. Dan was not admiring him in these moments, he was genuinely staring at him intently as if there was something more. This was what kept making Phil smile. The idea of Dan thinking about him this way was too much. He kept having ideas on how different his future would be if he spent it happily with Dan. Yes they lived together now, however he couldn't help thinking about how joyful things would be if their friendship changed.

The images of those few seconds appeared in Phil's mind again and he couldn't stop imagining of what might have happened if he closed the gap in that moment. Or even if Dan did, but what he did know was that he wouldn't be laid in bed alone right now. Phil rolled over and grinned as the memory just went through his mind again. The way Dan's scruffy hair still caressed his face, his dark brown eyes sparkled with how content he was feeling in those seconds. The corners of his lips were turned up slightly as he revealed his darkest secret through the smallest of actions. It wasn't just a moment to Phil. It was the beginning of hopefully the best year of his life. Knowing the two of them, it would be a long and agonising wait, though he knew it would be worth what comes at the end. Phil spun onto his side and comfortably placed his arms over his head as he drifted into a silent sleep.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

" _Shit. Shit. Shit!"_  Dan repeated again as he paced through his bedroom. His hands were shaking and although he felt so glad that he had that time with Phil, he didn't know whether it was a good thing. _  
_

"What if he doesn't feel the same way you  _idiot"_ Of course he feels the same way! Fuck you, what do you know?" Dan murmured attempting not to wake Phil up. He pushed his hands into his hair as he growled. Firstly, the pacing didn't make him feel much better, and secondly, talking to himself was causing him to get anxious, however he just couldn't sit still.

"Okay, but what if Phil does feel the same?" Dan clasped his hands together as he finally settled and perched on the end of his bed. "Then, that's all that matters." He fell back on his bed and sighed. He just needed to forget about it for now and carry on as per usual. Tomorrow will be a new day and everything will change.

"Tomorrow will be a new day" he reassured himself as he shut his eyes, finally easing his breathing and he smiled.


End file.
